For the last week, it has been almost impossible to listen to the radio or watch the television without listening to speculation about Tiger Woods' driving or getting the latest count on possible mistresses. The media - even the so-called legitimate sources - has been unrelenting in the pursuit of the salacious details of the golfer's life. Of course the pursuit is for only the best reasons: Tiger owes the public an explanation, he's a role model, genuine concern for the "children caught in the middle." Bull!
I was not there when Tiger made his vows to his wife. And I am going to go out on a limb and assume you weren’t there either. His marriage vows are between him, his wife and God. If he breaks those vows he owes me no explanations - unless he took my husband with him on one of his rendezvous.
Tiger holds no public office. He is not being accused of using public funds to pay for his dalliances. He is not being accused of breaking any laws. On what basis do we dare demand any explanations for his actions?
The role model argument is pulled out every time someone famous misbehaves. There is not much hope for future generations if the best we can do by way of role models for our children are public figures whose moral bearings are unknown to us. If D1 or D2 becomes interested in golf it would make sense to me to direct them to pattern Tiger’s game. On matters of right and wrong, of morality and ethics though, their examples must come from those closer to home.
I am not convinced that Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood or Nancy Grace really care about the well-being of Tiger and Erin Woods' small children. If they were, they would leave the Woods alone to resolve their marital issues without interference, instead of creating hours of speculative and sensational coverage for their children to find on the internet when they are older.
Men and women cheat on their spouses every day. Most do not get found out by TMZ, the National Enquirer or Us Weekly. Most get to make amends far from public glare. Most get to resolve marital issues without entertainment reporters weighing in. Tiger and his wife – and those children every one claims to be concerned about – are paying a woeful price for the entertainment of the masses.
Of course there is the argument that all is fair with a public figure. Tiger the golfer is a public figure. Tiger the husband and father has not courted the media. In fact, off the golf course it seems he has gone out of his way to preserve his privacy. His wife doesn’t even hit golf balls. All she did was marry Tiger Woods. Neither of them deserves to have their lives dissected on Entertainment Report.
Whether the media has provided because the masses expect, or the masses expect because the media has provided I am not sure, but we have become accustomed to seeing the most vulnerable slices of celebrities’ lives splayed on the internet and television. We have become blood thirsty for the juicy details of drug relapses, affairs, divorces, and scandals, without thought to the humans behind the stories.
Yes, the media is at fault, but you are the market. No market, no product. This is one of those situations when we should ask the question we often ask our children: How would you feel if somebody did that to you?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Job = Independence?
"I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings.
Only call your celly when I'm feeling lonely;
When it's all over, please get up and leave..." - Destiny's Child
The word's of soulster Ne-Yo's Ms. Independent are similarly lauding of women who pay their own way - "She's got her own thing, that's why I love her."
I've always thought of myself as independent. I always offered to split the bill on dates, paid for my own trips and leisure. I have never asked or expected any man to pay my way. I, have in fact, looked down on women who expected their rent to be paid by any man who slept in their bed. Since getting married 10 years ago, my husband and I have paid our household expenses from a common pool, but I was free to buy a new dress or pair of shoes if I was so inclined.
After being a stay-at-home mom of circumstances for more than a year, the idea of female independence has been nagging at me. Now that I rely completely on my husband financially, can I still consider myself independent? Of course, marriage is supposed to be a partnership. There's not supposed to be any yours and mine - or at least that's what my husband assures me. That's all well and good, but then how do I assert my independence?
Finding my place in my new life has been hard. My children seem to like seeing me at their schools all the time and have even stopped asking me if I'm going to find a job. My husband has not set rules or pulled rank at all, and even pushes me to make the most of my 'free' time. I still feel uncomfortable. I hate filling out forms that ask for my profession and/or work number. My stomach tightens everytime someone asks me what I do, and I always say "When I was in Florida, I worked..."
I got all the lessons of feminism, but I never learned how to be comfortably reliant. I am, however, slowly realizing I have been asking the wrong question. Rather than trying to figure out how to assert my independence, I should be determining what means independence to me. I can decide independence shouldn't be just about money - or the ability to buy my own diamonds. Now if I can only figure what it is about I can stop feeling like a bum everytime I see another woman in a jewelry store.
Only call your celly when I'm feeling lonely;
When it's all over, please get up and leave..." - Destiny's Child
The word's of soulster Ne-Yo's Ms. Independent are similarly lauding of women who pay their own way - "She's got her own thing, that's why I love her."
I've always thought of myself as independent. I always offered to split the bill on dates, paid for my own trips and leisure. I have never asked or expected any man to pay my way. I, have in fact, looked down on women who expected their rent to be paid by any man who slept in their bed. Since getting married 10 years ago, my husband and I have paid our household expenses from a common pool, but I was free to buy a new dress or pair of shoes if I was so inclined.
After being a stay-at-home mom of circumstances for more than a year, the idea of female independence has been nagging at me. Now that I rely completely on my husband financially, can I still consider myself independent? Of course, marriage is supposed to be a partnership. There's not supposed to be any yours and mine - or at least that's what my husband assures me. That's all well and good, but then how do I assert my independence?
Finding my place in my new life has been hard. My children seem to like seeing me at their schools all the time and have even stopped asking me if I'm going to find a job. My husband has not set rules or pulled rank at all, and even pushes me to make the most of my 'free' time. I still feel uncomfortable. I hate filling out forms that ask for my profession and/or work number. My stomach tightens everytime someone asks me what I do, and I always say "When I was in Florida, I worked..."
I got all the lessons of feminism, but I never learned how to be comfortably reliant. I am, however, slowly realizing I have been asking the wrong question. Rather than trying to figure out how to assert my independence, I should be determining what means independence to me. I can decide independence shouldn't be just about money - or the ability to buy my own diamonds. Now if I can only figure what it is about I can stop feeling like a bum everytime I see another woman in a jewelry store.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Who is my child's role model?
As often happens when a famous actor or athlete misbehaves, the public cries foul and complains about their bad example. Now apologies are being demanded from Serena Williams for her temper tantrum during her semi-final match against Kim Clijster. Serena, apparently should be mindful at all times of the little girls who look up to her.
I don't accept Serena's claim of passion for the game as an explanation or excuse for her bad behavior. Like John McEnroe said after the game, "I cannot defend the indefensible." She was a bad sport and behaved like a 2-year-old. But her bad behavior - which started with her destroying her tennis racket; long before she berated the lines woman - was an opportunity for parents to teach. It was a chance for them to point to what Serena did wrong and to talk about what she should have done differently. For parents who aren't willing to absolve their parental roles to famous strangers with questionable morals, it was an opportunity to teach a great lesson about sportsmanship and respect for others.
From Miley Cyrus' photo faux pas, to Beyonce's preference for as little clothes as possible on stage, to Michael Vick's dog madness - people our children recognize, and even admire, are often in the news for exercising poor judgment. With each incident, we worry about the effect on our children. These 'role models' are castigated for abdicating their responsibility for our children.
What about taking responsibility for our own children? What about teaching them right from wrong so that they can recognize inappropriate behavior when they see it? Part of the lessons we should be teaching our children is that everyone is fallible. We can admire people's work and accomplishments - even as we decry their bad behavior. Our children, with our guidance, should be able to do the same.
Serena should apologize - to her opponent, to the game officials, and to the people who paid to see her play. Not to my kids though, they are my responsibility.
I don't accept Serena's claim of passion for the game as an explanation or excuse for her bad behavior. Like John McEnroe said after the game, "I cannot defend the indefensible." She was a bad sport and behaved like a 2-year-old. But her bad behavior - which started with her destroying her tennis racket; long before she berated the lines woman - was an opportunity for parents to teach. It was a chance for them to point to what Serena did wrong and to talk about what she should have done differently. For parents who aren't willing to absolve their parental roles to famous strangers with questionable morals, it was an opportunity to teach a great lesson about sportsmanship and respect for others.
From Miley Cyrus' photo faux pas, to Beyonce's preference for as little clothes as possible on stage, to Michael Vick's dog madness - people our children recognize, and even admire, are often in the news for exercising poor judgment. With each incident, we worry about the effect on our children. These 'role models' are castigated for abdicating their responsibility for our children.
What about taking responsibility for our own children? What about teaching them right from wrong so that they can recognize inappropriate behavior when they see it? Part of the lessons we should be teaching our children is that everyone is fallible. We can admire people's work and accomplishments - even as we decry their bad behavior. Our children, with our guidance, should be able to do the same.
Serena should apologize - to her opponent, to the game officials, and to the people who paid to see her play. Not to my kids though, they are my responsibility.
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