Friday, February 27, 2009

He's just not into you so act like a lady think like a man and take 52 weeks to find him

Ok, the title is a bit much - and they were pilfered - but it goes to my point. There is an astronomical amount of material on the market (books, movies, websites, CDs) offering women instructions on how to snag a man. It is really interesting to me, particularly because similar instruction manuals for men are almost non-existent. When did men abdicate their role as hunters? Has the purported shortage of men flipped the script on the traditional roles of the sexes? Or is the proactive approach being taken by today's woman an upshot of the bra-burning 1960s?

Whatever the reason, many women are taking ownership of their romantic life and their sexual relationships. In many ways women are acting more responsibly than their mothers and grandmothers; from securing their financial independence to buying their own condoms. But are women giving up too much by usurping some of the roles traditionally held by men? Are we sacrificing the old-school precepts - like romance, chivalry and discretion?

Call me old-fashioned, but plotting to net a man on a schedule (a la is tacky and reeks of desperation. And if a woman needs to be told that a man is 'just not that into' her she needs of dose of self-esteem, not advice on catching the next man.

There are some precepts that should never be lost in the mad rush to secure one of the few good men left:
  • When a woman has a full and fulfilling life on her own and not on the constant lookout, she is happier and more attractive.
  • There is nothing wrong with taking initiative. Be places where the kind of men you are attracted to are likely to be - Barnes & Noble, industry association meetings, the organic section of the supermarket, a restaurant popular for business lunches, the local rock-climbing wall.
  • Obvious and transparent are not the same things. Leading a man home takes smarts and tact, not overt fawning and aggressive texting.
  • Let him pay for dinner, let him open the car door, let him help you with something. Yes, there are a few men who take equal rights on a date, but those are suspect. Most men want to play the traditional roles.
  • Learn at least one sport very well.
  • Sure, you can call him the morning after a date. It is quite respectable to call to say 'thank you' if you had a good time and to say you would like to do it again. Just not every hour on the hour to ask him what he's doing.
  • You are not required to answer every call, return missed calls within five minutes, or reply to every text or email. Unavailability and mystery are intriguing.
  • Save some things for later. Whether you want to implement the 90-day rule or a 120-day rule, just have a rule. Value yourself enough to demand someone meet a minimum mark before you give them everything.
  • Have standards and do not bend on them.

1 comment:

  1. Good thoughts. You can't be too desperate. Absent makes the heart goes fonder. Give him something to think about.